Elaine Martini
Elaine Martini 

I am a human being, not a human doing

 

“Wakey-wakey! It's late, it's time to get up! There is so much to do. You have to get started or the day will be gone and you won't do all the things in your list. ”

 

“I know but it feels so comfortable here in bed, just another 10 minutes...”

 

“ You are always talking about all the things you want to do and how there is never enough time. You know this is not helping you to get anything done. All this time could have been used in a much more efficient way. You know the longer you take the more difficult it will be. Come on, time to get up and start making the most of the day. Stop wasting time.”

 

“But, look out of the window, what a beautiful day! The sun is just coming up, it's so bright and warm. The sound of the birds is so loud too. The scents of the flowers are so strong, so fresh! It's so nice that spring is finally here! It has been such a long winter, so cold and dark. I feel so hopeful!”

 

“The birds are always out. You just never pay that much attention to it. You normally are up early. You also always get on with things from the minute you wake up. I really don't understand why you are so slow today. I don't know what else to say. You are wasting so much time when you could be getting things done. You are going to regret this at the end of the day.”

 

“Maybe I should do something different today. Have a completely spontaneous day. I'm thinking maybe drop all the plans and to-do lists. I could go for a walk somewhere new. Be in nature, I always loved that. It's been such a long time since I have done anything like that. I used to enjoy so much being out. Or maybe I could call one of my friends I haven't spoken with for ages. Meet up with them, spend time together, catch up. Or maybe I could do some baking, art or writing. I never have time for anything like that anymore. Just remembering some of the days I have done some of those things makes me smile.”

 

“Are you serious? What is going on with you today? You are so efficient and love getting things done. Ticking things off your to-do list gives you so much satisfaction. Have you forgotten about it? It seems you are a different person today. Maybe you had a bad night's sleep? Maybe it has been too stressful lately and you are a bit burnt out. Five minutes extra for you to rest and you should have the energy to get up and get on with your day”

 

“I'm tired. I'm 40 years old soon and that is so hard to believe. It's difficult to even account for the last 20 years. Where has all the time gone? When is it ever enough? When is it that all is done and I can just relax and enjoy? It doesn't feel like it will be any time soon. There is always something else to do. I have been doing so much my whole life. More than most people I know. I moved around to different parts of the world, had different careers, different relationships. I never said no to an opportunity. Always thought the next achievement would help me feel fulfilled and successful. When I do that then I will be happy. And yet none of those things made me feel any happier."

 

"Come on, there is still so much you want out of life. Remember all the plans and dreams you have? If you don't work towards them they will never come true. You said it, time goes so quickly it can't be wasted! And that is exactly what you are doing right now. Let's get up and make this day to be remembered for how much you got done! That is the only way to make dreams come true."

 

"You know what is ironic in that? When I think of the happiest moments of my life they don't involve me getting things done. It's the laughs around the table in the company of the people I love. Or days I really enjoyed where I was. Holidays, hugs, celebrations, love. The moments that still make me smile to this day are the ones that I fully wanted to be in that moment. It's not about what I am doing but about how I feel. It's about who I am. I am a human being, not a human doing"

 

"You can't just be. What you are saying doesn't make any sense. Listen to yourself and think. You have to pay bills, work, clean and so much more. You can't expect someone else will do it for you. Procrastination is not going to help you in any way. Can't you see this?"

 

"I can see so much clearer right now. Procrastination, perfectionism, planning, worrying are all coming from fear. I was scared of missing out on life and yet that is making me miss out on life! That's not how I want to live anymore. I want to live and love every moment. It's not about what I do or achieve but how! How does it make me feel? Does it come from a place of love? Why is it that I can't make every moment of my life a journey of happiness and fulfillment? I can have that right now. It will no longer be about doing as much as I can anymore. But about doing everything with my whole being, from a place of love and happiness. Thank you for showing me this so clearly today. I think these words we exchanged today will never be spoken out loud. But one thing I promise is that from now on they will never leave my heart. You are right, let's get up and make the most of this day, surrender to each moment, and experience all that life has to offer right here, right now."

 

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© Elaine Martini